12-23-2013, 02:12 AM
I enjoyed the hell outta this.
The edits are a huge improvement over the original.
I love the line breaks, just like others have said. It always amazes me the difference this makes in a poem.
But to comment on what you and robinhood were just discussing, I'm not sure infused is the best word to use there. Something about that word takes me to place of science projects when most of the language used in the poem is organic and pulpy.
That being said though, I'm having a hard time finding a word to use there in place of infuse, so you work with what you have to work with.
The edits are a huge improvement over the original.
I love the line breaks, just like others have said. It always amazes me the difference this makes in a poem.
But to comment on what you and robinhood were just discussing, I'm not sure infused is the best word to use there. Something about that word takes me to place of science projects when most of the language used in the poem is organic and pulpy.
That being said though, I'm having a hard time finding a word to use there in place of infuse, so you work with what you have to work with.