When I'm Comatose

[Todd]

I'm back with a few comments:

In dreams, I made you high--I'm not a fan of an in dreams lead in. I think the title sort of gets you there. I think if you just led with "I made you high it would play off the title better. Nice line break though. If you show throughout that this is a dream there is no need to lead with the words.
on me. A dizzy cloud
infused your eyes, and I
was powerful and proud--don't think you need the line, just have the action below show the traits.
to tug your strings at whim.--This sort of reminds me of an old Berlin song that I used to listen to. I like the image
With philter full, I forgot--again effective line break
the rules and lit within--very nice break again. I like the diction as well
your loins a passion hot,
unchecked with no apologies.
I ravaged you with teeth
and tenderness so thoroughly,
I slept away the week.--nice ending line

I don't want to go to far in this forum, but those are my initial thoughts.

Best,

Todd