When I'm Comatose

[Wjames]

In dreams, I made you high
on me. A dizzy cloud
infused your eyes, and I
was powerful and proud
to tug your strings at whim.

I think you might be able to do without "powerful".

With philter full, I forgot
the rules and lit within
your loins a passion hot,
unchecked with no apologies.
I ravaged you with teeth
and tenderness so thoroughly,
I slept away the week.

Great flow and imagery here.

I like this poem a lot, I especially like how there's so many different interpretations left open to the reader. I'd personally recommend you leave the tug your strings at whim line as is, as some of the other versions would sort of serve to narrow the scope of the poem to being mainly sexual (I'd have a harder time seeing Todd's cigarette interpretation for instance).