12-21-2013, 04:59 AM
Hi Ella! Thanks for your advice regarding edits, and also for your edit ^^
I actually agree with most of what you say and will definitely make those changes in the next draft.
As for the connectivity of the piece, yes, the speaker at the beginning is simply there to introduce the theme. The opening line is actually a quote from Sally Bowles in the movie 'Cabaret', and it launched me into a reflection on the oddity of referring to someone as an angel. So there is no real linear progression as such, just a series of lateral/thematic leaps. Does it make any more sense in that light, or is there still something missing?
I actually agree with most of what you say and will definitely make those changes in the next draft.
As for the connectivity of the piece, yes, the speaker at the beginning is simply there to introduce the theme. The opening line is actually a quote from Sally Bowles in the movie 'Cabaret', and it launched me into a reflection on the oddity of referring to someone as an angel. So there is no real linear progression as such, just a series of lateral/thematic leaps. Does it make any more sense in that light, or is there still something missing?