12-21-2013, 04:39 AM
A'bao (Revision #1)
The dingy marsh consumes
they say.
In youth we stood at the edge
and listened
to hear the voices of dead.
A'bao was said to sleep
submerged in fetid waters.
The old say he kidnaps the young
pulls all asunder
eats their hearts
wears their bones
and excretes the russet oil
that burns pale blue fire
alluring to the curious.
I've transgressed the law
tasting that odd surface bile
growing wide eyed in my stupor
dizzied by shifting
halls and lurid shafts.
I have met A'bao in the last house
seventeen feet under.
He wore my eyes.
I stared at my own blindness
curled up in grief
over my dismembered innocence.
____________
Thanks for the feedback everyone. Here is a shuffled attempt at soft revision.
The dingy marsh consumes
they say.
In youth we stood at the edge
and listened
to hear the voices of dead.
A'bao was said to sleep
submerged in fetid waters.
The old say he kidnaps the young
pulls all asunder
eats their hearts
wears their bones
and excretes the russet oil
that burns pale blue fire
alluring to the curious.
I've transgressed the law
tasting that odd surface bile
growing wide eyed in my stupor
dizzied by shifting
halls and lurid shafts.
I have met A'bao in the last house
seventeen feet under.
He wore my eyes.
I stared at my own blindness
curled up in grief
over my dismembered innocence.
____________
Thanks for the feedback everyone. Here is a shuffled attempt at soft revision.