Correcting vision

[Leanne]

I am an ophthalmologist,
a most important job,
to clear up your glaucoma
and your cataractous blob.
I’ll cure your herpes zoster with
a quick flick of my wrist
and draw enormous pleasure from
chalazion or cyst.
A pars plana vitrectomy
I navigate with ease;
I’d show you my ophthalmoscope,
but I don’t like to tease.

Yes, all those operations have
their most important uses,
but nothing gets me pumping like
a keratomileusis:
a little slit to lift the flap,
oh, nothing gets me hornier
than shooting off my laser beam
upon a moistened cornea.
A speculum to keep it wide
avoids those awkward twitches --
but strangely, patients do complain
of nasty burning itches.