Entropy

[lucentwavering]

I feel a bit overwhelmed to enter such a detailed discussion after so much time and so I won't go into a detailed critique, but I have to say that I prefer the original draft. Apart from a few points where I would have differed stylistically, I found there to be moments of a clear music. The new draft seems a bit stifled to me. I think it's trying to incorporate too many different people's ideas about what the poems should be, and I think it's a shame because your voice seems much stronger than that. 'Can a snake get cold? Can a snake feel lost.[/b]' I missed that.