The Secret is Dying

[71degrees]

I like the revision. You may want to move it into your original post (above the original) so that people just coming on the thread won't critique the wrong thing. Also it is helpful if you add to the title that you have revised, people who are following the thread will know to check back in. I usually just put "Rev 1" after the title.

The one thing that bugs me is the phrase "to be laid naked" ---is this person being placed there, as if they were dead or knocked out? I'm assuming they aren't dead yet as his/her teeth rattle.

If not, I would use the present tense, to lie naked on a shore.

mel.

Thanks for the advice about where to put things. I need to read up on protocol, I guess. As for "…to be laid naked" may I ask if it made a difference if the narrator has died? The poem is an attempt to capture the thoughts (??) of a dead person about death. As far as I know no one (except Lazarus…maybe Christ, but I don't want to go there) has ever done that. What's the secret? Something like that. I do appreciate your comment and glad you are reading so closely to capture tense. Thanks.