12-15-2013, 06:11 AM
(12-15-2013, 03:20 AM)tectak Wrote:If I have to look for it, it ain't strong enough. Sorry. I don't read poems for rhyme schemes. Try harder. ps: And I do like this poem.(12-15-2013, 02:21 AM)71degrees Wrote:Hi 71,(12-14-2013, 05:17 PM)tectak Wrote: Hi 71,You're speaking to a poet who strives for rhythm. If rhyme is what it takes to accomplish this (mind you, it doesn't have to) than I love consistency. What I meant was….you have a trifecta of rhyme in the second stanza but only a daily double in the first. I think you have accomplished your goal of "ditty" recognition with what's here (at least in my untrained ears) but for balance, I would find that third sound in the first stanza. I love this poem. I now can "see" Aunty Del…where she lived, who she was. Now I want to "hear" her. Hope this makes sense.
Thank you for your meticulous obs.
Your last point is puzzling me....do you mean rhythm or rhyme? I ask because I don't know. I have added the rhyme scheme to the original stanza above. I have used it before. I hope S1 complies.
Best,
tectak
(12-15-2013, 02:21 AM)71degrees Wrote: You're speaking to a poet who strives for rhythm. If rhyme is what it takes to accomplish this (mind you, it doesn't have to) than I love consistency. What I meant was….you have a trifecta of rhyme in the second stanza but only a daily double in the first. I think you have accomplished your goal of "ditty" recognition with what's here (at least in my untrained ears) but for balance, I would find that third sound in the first stanza. I love this poem. I now can "see" Aunty Del…where she lived, who she was. Now I want to "hear" her. Hope this makes sense.[Oh…I'm sorry. This is a follow up b/c I didn't your attached notes indicating end rhyme. I see "time" (internal) rhyme as that third sound missing from your revision.
I much enjoy the ABCA DBCD scheme (there are others) but not for the mechanics of it, though it is a challenge. You proceed EFGE HFGH and so on...the reason I like it is because the rhyme scheme seems obscure enough to permit off-rhymes. I thought you would pick me up on S1,L3 "touched" and "cups"
Best,
Tom
