Aunty Del lived here 1917-2013.Edit 2.1crow, true

[tectak]

Congratulations. To go from the original to this is quite a leap. You answered all my questions from my original post. The only thing is I can't get away from the feeling that the last (and mostly original stanza) sounds more and more to me like an Irish ditty. And I mean this in a respectful way. The "time in grime" together with "sign" propels me through. It's a nice blend. Works okay in stanza one w/"loud / proud"….do we need one more somewhere up there to match the rhythm of the second?

Hi 71,
Thank you for your meticulous obs.
Your last point is puzzling me....do you mean rhythm or rhyme? I ask because I don't know. I have added the rhyme scheme to the original stanza above. I have used it before. I hope S1 complies.
Best,
tectak

You're speaking to a poet who strives for rhythm. If rhyme is what it takes to accomplish this (mind you, it doesn't have to) than I love consistency. What I meant was….you have a trifecta of rhyme in the second stanza but only a daily double in the first. I think you have accomplished your goal of "ditty" recognition with what's here (at least in my untrained ears) but for balance, I would find that third sound in the first stanza. I love this poem. I now can "see" Aunty Del…where she lived, who she was. Now I want to "hear" her. Hope this makes sense.

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Hi 71,
Thank you for your meticulous obs.
Your last point is puzzling me....do you mean rhythm or rhyme? I ask because I don't know. I have added the rhyme scheme to the original stanza above. I have used it before. I hope S1 complies.
Best,
tectak

You're speaking to a poet who strives for rhythm. If rhyme is what it takes to accomplish this (mind you, it doesn't have to) than I love consistency. What I meant was….you have a trifecta of rhyme in the second stanza but only a daily double in the first. I think you have accomplished your goal of "ditty" recognition with what's here (at least in my untrained ears) but for balance, I would find that third sound in the first stanza. I love this poem. I now can "see" Aunty Del…where she lived, who she was. Now I want to "hear" her. Hope this makes sense.

[Oh…I'm sorry. This is a follow up b/c I didn't your attached notes indicating end rhyme. I see "time" (internal) rhyme as that third sound missing from your revision.

Hi 71,
I much enjoy the ABCA DBCD scheme (there are others) but not for the mechanics of it, though it is a challenge. You proceed EFGE HFGH and so on...the reason I like it is because the rhyme scheme seems obscure enough to permit off-rhymes. I thought you would pick me up on S1,L3 "touched" and "cups"
Best,
Tom