December 23rd-- revision 2

[71degrees]

revision

His grumbles snag on plastic branches
emerging from eleven months of peace.
The holiday's cheer doesn't reach this tree,
three feet high and so naked even Charlie
might sigh.

Tilting to one side it seems to wiggle
to the other side of the desk, as bits
of coated green float gently to the tiles,
torn off by painted stars and a man
with a white beard and no time for this.

As balls and lights and silver garlands
fill the lonely gaps he wonders
Why bother? when four walls enclose the secret
and not even the window lets out a peep.

Resigned eyes survey this scene: his life
without her touch. How many more to come?
Salty gripes jerk from his throat and scuttle down
to rest inside the stocking’s toe.



original

His grumbles snag on the plastic branches
emerging from eleven months of peace.
The holiday's cheer doesn't reach this three
foot tree that naked, would make even Charlie
sigh.

Tilting to one side it seems to wiggle
to the other side of the desk, as bits
of coated green float gently to the tiles,
torn off by painted stars and a man
with a white beard and no time for this.

As balls and lights and silver garlands
fill the lonely gaps he wonders
Why bother? when four walls enclose the secret
and not even the window lets out a peep.

Reminiscent eyes survey this scene of his life
without her touch, the first of how many to come?
Salty gripes jerk from his throat and scuttle down
to rest inside the stocking’s toe.

__________________________
I'm not set on the title. Suggestions?

Seems to me December 23 is a bit about anticipation, as is this poem (or a now realized lack of it). Titles are often times the most personalized part of a poem. Sorry to see you lose the "reminiscing" from the original...the hard sounds of "jerk" and "scuttle" slap me a bit out a certain reminiscing, as I'm sure the narrator is being slapped. The ending image is so good, and hidden and only adds to the feeling of expectation. I adore pieces that play w/my emotions (teeter/totter poems). Xmas is so often the hardest part of the year. My neighbor lost his wife to cancer. Richard always put Xmas lights out. That year he did not, even w/my urging and offer to help. This poem made me think of him and I have not done so in years. Great effort here.