Entropy

Entropy

~~bena~~ Offline

bombardier of benaville

Posts: 294
Threads: 4
Joined: Sep 2013

#20

12-13-2013, 02:29 AM

Here's one instance:

It was Christmas, and I thought,
It’s cold out.

(which is a kinda comma splice as written.) You could solve this by putting what you thought in quotes.
Also, you switch tenses from past to present.

Other than that it is darn near perfect....I adore your voice and striking images.

tah!

mel.

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Messages In This Thread

Entropy - by crow - 12-09-2013, 09:44 AM

RE: Entropy - by trueenigma - 12-09-2013, 12:20 PM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-09-2013, 01:54 PM

RE: Entropy - by trueenigma - 12-10-2013, 08:41 AM

RE: Entropy - by milo - 12-10-2013, 09:42 AM

RE: Entropy - by ellajam - 12-10-2013, 10:03 AM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-10-2013, 12:43 PM

RE: Entropy - by milo - 12-10-2013, 12:54 PM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-10-2013, 01:35 PM

RE: Entropy - by milo - 12-10-2013, 01:40 PM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-10-2013, 01:42 PM

RE: Entropy - by trueenigma - 12-10-2013, 02:03 PM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-10-2013, 02:20 PM

RE: Entropy - by trueenigma - 12-10-2013, 02:20 PM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-10-2013, 03:12 PM

RE: Entropy - by trueenigma - 12-10-2013, 03:14 PM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-10-2013, 03:27 PM

RE: Entropy - by bena - 12-11-2013, 05:26 AM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-11-2013, 11:07 AM

RE: Entropy - by bena - 12-13-2013, 02:29 AM

RE: Entropy - by milo - 12-16-2013, 01:12 AM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-15-2013, 09:47 AM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-18-2013, 02:06 PM

RE: Entropy - by lucentwavering - 12-19-2013, 08:28 AM

RE: Entropy - by trueenigma - 12-19-2013, 01:22 PM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-19-2013, 01:58 PM

RE: Entropy - by trueenigma - 12-19-2013, 02:08 PM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-19-2013, 02:38 PM

RE: Entropy - by trueenigma - 12-19-2013, 03:01 PM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-19-2013, 04:06 PM

RE: Entropy - by trueenigma - 12-21-2013, 08:55 AM

RE: Entropy - by Leanne - 12-19-2013, 04:35 PM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-21-2013, 02:13 PM

RE: Entropy - by crow - 12-25-2013, 02:45 PM

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