Boardwalks (edit #4.1)

[ellajam]

Well, I deleted the pant version cause they were both barks. Moot anyway, because pant will turn it present tense, i don't want to go back there.

Why do I choke on dogs every time? Something might be wrong there. I'm giving up on adding more commas for now, I think the breaks do their job.

Dogs...pups... pant...pups...maybe.

Damn, so close to done.

Don't get impatient, or discouraged. as far as bark, pant; maybe try thinking of it another way, like a specific type of bark etc. It would be great if you could get some onomatopoeia into that line, but I understand it's difficult without it sounding silly - maybe 'yip' or something along those lines. just not yap.

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I want to say maybe 'Hear the yipping pups that broke dawn's hush'. It's a tricky situation with the tenses; you are telling the addressee to hear the 'past' (right now!)

Yes, I hear the past, come join me.

Yippee kay yay, oops, those dogies are cows.
Heeeey, timpanic paws, naaaah.
Thinking, thanks for thinking with me.