Beneath the Shadow Fall edit 1.01 true,beaufort, gilmored

[gilmored]

RE:Beneath the ShadowFall Edit 1. true, beaufort

Look lest you loose your sight and die
--Look at what? Is something going to spit in my eyes and kill me? I don't get this line.
before the leaf falls gold to ground;
-- Nice, I assume your talking about a leaf after it's died, but I think you can be more descriptive than "falls".
when breath becomes elixir
that takes the old to make the new.
-- I don't get these lines at all, except the procreation part. Did something go wrong during a birth, and the mother choke on her own blood?
Beneath the pointillistic rug,
--I had to look pointillistic up. Not a bonus.
deep-piled and dank on sleeping earth
--Is this talking about bodies, compost, or what is "deep-piled". Also I think piled deep would sound better, it gives this line a sort of alliteration effect.
the creeping, seeking seeds send out
ten thousand tendrilled, pallid threads.
-- I like these two lines, but creeping and seeds don't go together for me. I like the seeking part though. I can picture the seed spreading out.

Each strand, though blind, will meet the day
with joyful blush of verdant hue!
From out of locked life-sentence, freed.
Up, up to raise the flags again!
-- The only thing I can suggest for these lines is ending with "anew". "again" is so plain.
Do not gaze up to crimson crowns
against the strangeness of chill air;-- What does looking into the sun have to do with cold air?
blue never can describe the sky
that brings such ache to autumned eyes.
--Autumned isn't a word, and blue skies in autumn sounds good to me!
We cry our tears to beg for time
--OK I like this line. I can feel the sorrow of someone close to death.
that misting distance brings to sight;
--Shouldn't it be misty? Or was this one of those intentional mistakes to make the reader think?
best look beneath the shadow-fall,
the nearer to new coming life.
-- I don't get these last two lines at all. Someone isn't born just because someone else dies.

I am not trying to be cute by criticizing one of your poem. Rather I was trying to see what a poem from an admin looked like, as I assume you guys, and girls, know what you're doing. I have read this over, thinking about it for over an hour now. These are just my thoughts as an average reader. I do hope I said at least one useful thing.