Boardwalks (edit #4.1)

[milo]

True's comma makes a big difference:

Drift along the shoreline's ghost
paths, count the feet that rutted
its splintered gray slats
and the bicycles pedaled
as morning's rolling light set fire
to the curves of early tides.

Drift along the shoreline's ghost
paths, count the feet that rutted
its splintered gray slats
and the bicycles, pedaled
as morning's rolling light set fire
to the curves of early tides.

great view from the fence.

Sacrifice for the greater good, meh, might just be lazy not to get it all. If I managed to find a good line without pant may I can find a good one with it, it really is so much better than bark.

Words.

no rush, we're not going anywhere. I am going to read through your top-posted version a few times and see how it holds up.

(I might pant a few times to overcompensate)

I have read through it another 10 times and I really like it. If you need to use pant, maybe try it instead of burst - not that I think one is better, just that it might make an interesting change. i don't think you need to add anything and your current lines are good. Did you record an audio?