12-10-2013, 03:14 PM
If you like I would be happy to help you restructure this into either a double pretarchan, or series of two. Yes. Seriously. Hell, we could even turn into a crown redouble if you like—just don't expect it to happen overnight.
Use the line breaks that you like, and find ways to improve your own for the other areas. I didn't change any meaning. These are your words. I just added some layers with the line breaks.
I know that some of the grammar was intention. Note that I replaced the period after "I know" with an enjambment etc.—for the same effect.
(12-10-2013, 03:12 PM)crow Wrote: Question--is it now that I rewrite the rewrite, or do I take the meaning of the rewrite and rewrite the original?You may edit /your/ poem as you see fit. These are only suggestions. The idea behind it really was to point out weaknesses and strengths.
And, fwiw, the grammar errors were intended. I've spent upwards of 120 hours on this poem.
Use the line breaks that you like, and find ways to improve your own for the other areas. I didn't change any meaning. These are your words. I just added some layers with the line breaks.
I know that some of the grammar was intention. Note that I replaced the period after "I know" with an enjambment etc.—for the same effect.