12-10-2013, 10:03 AM
Hi, Crow, I just have to say
vs
The original worked well for me. In the edit it's not clear who's shocked, you or the rabbit?
And please don't lose "thumped", certainly not for "hopped".
Quote:Shocked, I drop him as he tears my arm.
He thumps his way over to the corner and digs at the carpet, my brother’s rabbit, because
vs
Quote:I drop him as he tears my arm, shocked.
He hops his way over to the corner and digs at the carpet, my brother’s rabbit, because
The original worked well for me. In the edit it's not clear who's shocked, you or the rabbit?
And please don't lose "thumped", certainly not for "hopped".
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