12-10-2013, 05:17 AM
Hi, HOA, I like this, though the more I read it the more holes open up.
I found myself wondering who would fit into the category of "never truly departed". At first it was fun and I liked the ambiguity, now I'm not so sure.
I could hear the dogs, but then I wondered if they indeed knew you were there and were just asking to be released.
Mostly though I wonder about the parentheses, so far apart. They leave your opening alone and I'm finding the first three lines your weakest.
Just a few thoughts.
I found myself wondering who would fit into the category of "never truly departed". At first it was fun and I liked the ambiguity, now I'm not so sure.
I could hear the dogs, but then I wondered if they indeed knew you were there and were just asking to be released.
Mostly though I wonder about the parentheses, so far apart. They leave your opening alone and I'm finding the first three lines your weakest.
Just a few thoughts.
(12-10-2013, 04:54 AM)HalfOpenArms Wrote: Due to the harsh weather,
I'm stuck in my house this morning
for longer than usual
(unbeknownst to the dogs,
who are locked up in the basement.
Still, they weep and howl,
bemoaning their aloneness.
It strikes me that I'm as naive as them
to lament the absence
of those who never truly departed.)
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips