Staying Over

[ChristopherSea]

Hi lucentwavering, There is a lot to like herein. Here are a few notes to help with your next edit:

He said
I would not like
the tune he hums
in his sleep<.>
and he is unused <'He is not used' ('unused' sounds odd>
to the idea of another's <'another'>
life form invading
his atmosphere.

Pivotal though
his concerns may be
a body at rest
tends to remain
that way, so I am
staying over.

-Maybe-

despite his concern
that a body at rest
tends to remain that way.>

I remember
waking to the sound
of surf pounding sand
my lover's hand lazily circling
the lizard sunning on
my shoulder before landing
perfectly upon my breast.

If anyone needs me
I will be at the laguna
where I prefer my coffee
served au naturel . . . I am

staying over.
[/quote]

Overall, I like the poem. I hope some of these suggestions help you with your next edit. Cheers/Chris

---

Hi lucentwavering, There is a lot to like herein. Here are a few notes to help with your next edit:

He said
I would not like
the tune he hums
in his sleep<.>
and he is unused <'He is not used' ('unused' sounds odd>
to the idea of another's <'another'>
life form invading
his atmosphere.

Pivotal though
his concerns may be
a body at rest
tends to remain
that way, so I am
staying over.

-Maybe-

despite his concern
that a body at rest
tends to remain that way.>


I remember
waking to the sound
of surf pounding sand
my lover's hand lazily circling
the lizard sunning on
my shoulder before landing
perfectly upon my breast.

If anyone needs me
I will be at the laguna
where I prefer my coffee
served au naturel . . . I am

staying over.
[/quote]

Overall, I like the poem. I hope some of these suggestions help you with your next edit. Cheers/Chris