I don't mind, it's interesting to get another perspective -- although what you've essentially done is told me how you would write the poem, which is fine of course. That it's published doesn't mean it's not available for editing, but many of your suggestions are a bit too heavy-handed for my liking. They're always welcome though, and I do consider them -- even if it seems I discard most.
Please don't be dissuaded from offering similar editing suggestions on any poems -- I'm just arrogant enough to consider this poem pretty much where I want it to be at the moment.
PS. It's not "Nakajima's garden" -- he's the designer, but it's a public memorial.
Please don't be dissuaded from offering similar editing suggestions on any poems -- I'm just arrogant enough to consider this poem pretty much where I want it to be at the moment.
PS. It's not "Nakajima's garden" -- he's the designer, but it's a public memorial.
It could be worse