Small Compensation

[HalfOpenArms]

It was on W. 54th, a fragment
of a coffee shop; couple of stools,
no intimacy at all overly blunt and colloquial, a cold rain chill,
an empty space ‘neath the canopy;
he didn’t even see her slip in
next to him, he was waiting
for the rain to ease as simply
as waiting "one waits," maybe for a piece of cherry
pie after a light dinner [period]

She had tiny brown eyes,
bubbles at the corners of her mouth;
I must make amends, he thought [comma]
for even saying hello to her,
but there wasn’t anyone around
to forgive him so he did clarify: what did he do? say hello to her? make amends?; there,
he had spoken, and she looked
younger than he had thought "she was younger than she had seemed" works better, I think. It avoids the echo of "looked"
when she looked back with eyes
somewhere between sixteen
and nineteen but probably closer
to fifteen this is unnecessary, I think. try "older than her age"; it was shadowy
and dark under the canopy,
and he knew why she was there,
so what difference did it make?

She looked there's "looked" again hungry and he was
hungry but they were different
hungers; his focus was on her
throat, long and creamy, her
left hand scratching behind her
ear, no earring, just her throat
down her neck to her thin
shoulders; she mentioned
she was free-for-anything;
her throat went down her neck
to her thin shoulders, but he
couldn’t quite make out who
she really was, and her throat
went down her neck to those
shoulders and a wild grown-up
would have carried her hunger omit hunger, it's weird
to a room and done terrible things
to her but not enough people
here would have understood like the above commenter said, "done terrible things" is blunt and cliché, and the following lines are just too ambiguous

He hears her say something
after stepping out into the rain,
but what difference did it make?
In this kind of weather anyone
is capable of remaining a virgin [period]

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by the last two lines; care to explain? Anyway, I like the feel of the poem, it reminds me of noir or something The scene was black and white in my head. I also enjoyed the repetition of throat--it works to show the reader "where the subject's head is at"; he's utterly obsessed, fixated; you made that point well.

All in all, it's a bit rough around the edges, but there's a clear voice and with some editing it could be great.