12-09-2013, 01:59 AM
Many thanks for your comments. Always happy to amuse someone. All commas removed (as suggested), except between "rotgut" and "labeled". Just doesn't feel right, unless a line break were added, making the last two lines "two" short. Any other opinions about my tentative grasp on punctuation would be much appreciated - not my strongest point, I'll admit.
Annie's Coffee Shop
The market isn't cornered
but sex sells for less
at the twenty-four hour
corner market called
"Annie's Coffee Shop".
Jo-Jo the cook
accosts non-tipping patrons
with a butcher knife;
his chivalry as misplaced
as his culinary talents.
Irony is not lost on the
bathroom walls - its filthy epic
penned in gutter prose by a
thousand anonymous Johns.
The stock isn't fresh,
but it's rotated nightly
and the cost of milk is negotiable
from a depreciatory cow
no one wants to own.
Upstairs are rooms
seedier than sesame buns
where obsolete filaments
do not interfere with
faceless arrangements made
between the colorblind.
This is the delta
in a deviant river of souls;
bottom feeders coming
explicitly for the bottomless
cup of rotgut, labeled "Annie's".
Annie's Coffee Shop
The market isn't cornered
but sex sells for less
at the twenty-four hour
corner market called
"Annie's Coffee Shop".
Jo-Jo the cook
accosts non-tipping patrons
with a butcher knife;
his chivalry as misplaced
as his culinary talents.
Irony is not lost on the
bathroom walls - its filthy epic
penned in gutter prose by a
thousand anonymous Johns.
The stock isn't fresh,
but it's rotated nightly
and the cost of milk is negotiable
from a depreciatory cow
no one wants to own.
Upstairs are rooms
seedier than sesame buns
where obsolete filaments
do not interfere with
faceless arrangements made
between the colorblind.
This is the delta
in a deviant river of souls;
bottom feeders coming
explicitly for the bottomless
cup of rotgut, labeled "Annie's".
My shit list runs horizontally - there's always room for you at the top