When the Fat Lady Sings

[Truerenigma]

When the Fat Lady Sings

And it’s time, I would like
music to murder me, maybe
something elegant like Chopin;
any lyrics would be pre-written;
after all, I wouldn’t want
people at my funeral
merely humming, or worse,
tapping scuffed shoes
to the wordless tune of a life

I’d rather die with a song
in my head: something with violins--
like cricket legs softly rubbing
on the first frost of October--
a white haired preacher
with a thin baton, and Jesus
Christ at the back door, making
sure no one leaves early

Hi again 71,

I afraid I like the original better, I'm glad you've changed plus to and, but there was no reason to change the line breaks, they were chosen quite well to begin with.

I S1 it's better knowing the speaker is going to be the one writing the lyrics. "any lyric would be pre-written" doesn't have the same effect, and of course they're going to be pre-written, they're not going to write the lyrics as they sing them.

Maybe take a bit more time to think about it. Nothing drastic need be done. The poem was pretty solid to begin with.