12-08-2013, 08:24 AM
You have i sometimes, I sometimes; there are a few errors, you're/your and years/year's and wont/won't; some forced rhymes; and punctuation could be better.
Overall, the theme could be better handled. It doesn't start out all that bad, but it slips a few times, and just falls apart at the end.
Maybe it's supposed to fall apart at the end.
Overall, the theme could be better handled. It doesn't start out all that bad, but it slips a few times, and just falls apart at the end.
Maybe it's supposed to fall apart at the end.