12-08-2013, 02:11 AM
You know, the thing I love about poetry is the fact that a poem rarely means much to me the first time I read it. It is only after repeated readings that it will become familiar and blossom into what it is. At this moment I've read your poem 3 times and with each reading I've perceived more of the depth that it contains. Some suggestions which you can ignore if you want to. I disagree with some of your line breaks, most notably starting a new line with the word horror. The line "suckling of ash" could use an extra descriptor: a verb or adjective. Its a very good image and it connects with the previous imagery of childhood with your use of "well worn blanket" but I think it could use just a little more spice. Are you a fan of Rilke? I have more ideas about your poem I'd like to express but I'm just not sure how to put them into words. Maybe the last line could be changed to something like "and mistaken the sky for a reflection in a window." I like what you've done. Thanks for sharing.