12-07-2013, 10:31 AM
Hi,
I have taken your lines and condensed them - all of us have our own ideas about poetry. This, to me, uses your own thoughts, ideas, and words and makes for more palatable reading. I am a novice, these are just my thoughts to take or leave. Best to you.
Something is here beyond the veil of understanding.
It hides its face, though familiar voices
call me to step forward, embrace the unseen,
chase the mystery that beckons.
Into the abyss I run,
until beams of light pierce the veil of shadows.
Who is it that brings me here?
I run to you at my own heart's yearning.
Searching in a world without answers,
I reach my destination,
yet see but a mirror with my own reflection-
for I am the answer that I seek.
I have taken your lines and condensed them - all of us have our own ideas about poetry. This, to me, uses your own thoughts, ideas, and words and makes for more palatable reading. I am a novice, these are just my thoughts to take or leave. Best to you.
Something is here beyond the veil of understanding.
It hides its face, though familiar voices
call me to step forward, embrace the unseen,
chase the mystery that beckons.
Into the abyss I run,
until beams of light pierce the veil of shadows.
Who is it that brings me here?
I run to you at my own heart's yearning.
Searching in a world without answers,
I reach my destination,
yet see but a mirror with my own reflection-
for I am the answer that I seek.