Danger Men at Work

[Todd]

Edit 2

I ran in slow motion past
the emptied ambulance
into a room of unanswered prayers
clinging to the thick burgundy--The more I read this the more I want to pull carpet up to end this line
carpet, Bibles, and tissue boxes.
In the hallway, I could hear
a woman's high-pitched laughter.--The problem with I could hear is it feels too static. I need more motion, more desperation, maybe images or scenes could be presented which show an increase in hope juxtaposed with the speaker's increasing fear
Her relief blistered my skin.

I only wanted to stay--some transition on arriving in the room maybe. I may end up liking it less, but it might be worth looking at
indefinitely in your sterile room,
but a doctor arrived to break me
with practiced sympathy.
Your shrouded body
hiding a gaping hole
the surgeon made, trying
to massage your heart back to life.

I touched soft brown hair streaked with silver--You might be able to move into the hair without the "I touched"
and memorized the love-lines around your eyes.
"Goodbye" I said with a hollow chest
no sheet could conceal--The ending feels better to me.

I hope that helped some and didn't add to the confusion that multiple edits can bring.

Best,

Todd