Whiskey Memories third edit

[Todd]

Hi Linda, I think this one is back on track, a few comments below on the revision:

Side Track Grill--I don't mind this title over the original. It does give you an option you're not using though you could possibly retitle it "Working at the Side Track Grill" or just eliminate the name of the establishment from S2, L2 and keep the current title and reword a bit. Just options

As a child she was fat like her mother,
arms and legs sausage tight and round,
her aunts always whispered, rolled their eyes,
knowing she could never find a man.

But now she’s almost grown, eighteen,
and working at the Side Track Grill
Her made-up eyes are smokey and piercing, --typo: smoky. I like smoky over piercing quite a bit. I'd be tempted to cut piercing. The ____ and ____ construction suggests you haven't found the best single word or image to convey her eyes. In any event, you use smoky later maybe that needs to be the fire she lights in the men shown somehow, but not the reuse of this word
Her hips, grandma said, made for birthing.

The boys act the fool around her,
in sleeveless shirts they work the fields--nice edit here


dreaming of her legs around their waists,
hips rolling like the wheels of a Chevy.

Even the grown men after work
watch the way she flips
her hair just so, the way she laughs
and then shoots anger out her eyes
when she sees them staring.

They wearily down a scotch or two,--There's got to be a better option than wearily. Cutting it frankly is a better option.
before taking the back road home -
home to their memories of dark-eyed girls,
of rolling hips and smoky laughter;
home to their dreams of success,--I'm not a fan of the repetition of home on this line and the next
home to their wives, now thick and sour,
who want more than they can give.

Beyond those minor points, this remains a really nice piece.

Best,

Todd