Struck By Lightning

[Simatong]

Oh, yes. I have read the rules and understand them well. I posted this to see what the reaction would be. Nothing more and nothing less. If people like it, great. If not, oh well. While I expected criticism, I hadn't expected criticism the likes of yours. Yours had a certain bite to it that carried the clear implication that it wasn't the same caliber of poetry that you enjoy. That's fine. I hear your criticism, I analyze it, and I move on. I write what my heart tells me, and at the end of the day, that is what a poet is meant to do, at least that's how I feel. If you want to maul it, feel free to do so... See the body, rip its guts out and tear apart what's inside.

Actually what makes me happy in your response is that I can see you don't buy into the concept of workshopping poetry, which is the purpose of this site. This allows me to ignore your poems freely. Thank you for saving me the time to spend on people that have different goals with their writing.

I don't quite understand the passive-aggressive hostility. I don't mind the workshopping; in fact it had actually inspired me to take a different route with my poetry, but as I have said in other posts. I read the criticism, good or bad, analyze it, and move on. This is the process I use. I have already had some ideas and insights into what I can do with my other works down the line from some of the workshopping, but I absorb what I hear in my own way, taking or leaving the information I receive. If you have taken offense to anything that I have said or are rubbed the wrong way in such a manner to make you leave such passive-aggressive posts, then all I do is shrug. I cannot and will not try to please everyone. If you do not like my way of thinking and therefore don't want to read my writing, then I respect your feelings on the issue, and hope you find poetry and writers that are more in accord with your line of thinking.

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Something is here, here beyond the veil of understanding. here 2x isn't necessary
It hides its face and yet with familiar voice calls out from the dark. a familiar voice

"Step forward, curious child, and embrace the unseen. Chase the mystery that beckons." this is interesting. is it God talking?

Into the abyss I run, until beams of light pierce the veil of shadows. I'd like to know more about this abyss, actually
What figure stands at the other side, a face unseen with voice so familiar? you already said the voice is familiar
Is it you who brings me here? Or do I run to you at my heart's own yearning? What is it that I search for in the world with no answer? idk. you tell me.

As I finally reach my destination, I see but a mirror with a smiling reflection, and the search ends. I have found myself; I am the answer that I seek. ok, cool. a journey of self-discovery? those are fun

I kind of like what you have going here. Mystery and ambiguity can be fun. I think it needs a lot of work though. First, start with the line breaks. For a poem like this, try about 10 syllables per line, and maybe try adding some meter. I like the trace bits of personification and think you may be able to develop those images a bit more.

Honestly, what I liked most is that this reminds me of Luke's cave on Degobah

Thank you for your insight. I will try editing this piece later on (maybe today or tomorrow). Actually, your insights (and those of tectak) have inspired me to go a bit deeper with this. Comparing the analysis as given by the two of you, I have a spark inside that I should thank you two for.