12-06-2013, 11:20 AM
the twist is okay but the wording of the poem in general needs working on.
the 1st 2 lines are solid clichés and there are lots more. try taking out all the phrases you've heard else where and replacing them with phrases you haven't heard else where. it should be 'cause.
words like [but] should be thought about as they seldom add anything.
the 1st 2 lines are solid clichés and there are lots more. try taking out all the phrases you've heard else where and replacing them with phrases you haven't heard else where. it should be 'cause.
words like [but] should be thought about as they seldom add anything.
(12-06-2013, 10:29 AM)gilmored Wrote: When something so wrong
feels so right,
but you're the one
I'm with tonight
I should leave,
walk out the door,
'cuz I don't love you
anymore.
You've done me wrong.
Now you'll see.
I'm done with your missurey.
you brought me down,
ruined my mood,
but I've turned it around.
goodbye junk food.