Danger Men at Work

[tectak]

-special thanks to Todd for helping me with free verse-

(for Greg)

I ran in slow motion past
the empty ambulance
into a room full of unanswered prayers.
They were clinging to the thick burgundy "They" is too close to "prayers" and so detracts from meaning
carpet, bibles, and tissue boxes.
In the hallway, I could hear
a woman's high pitched laughter.
Her relief was a hot poker in my chest. Perhaps a genre cliche here. You are better than this

I would have waited for you
indefinitely in that sterile room,
but a doctor arrived to assault me
with practiced empathy. Nicely described cameo though not sure about the use of empathy...sympathy? specially considering next line
He robbed me of any reason
to hopefully wait. A mugger and thief...hmmm. Again, just missing the bull's eye of veracity. Did you then wait WITHOUT hope?
Your body was shrouded
to hide a gaping hole
the surgeon made
trying to massage your heart back to life. the line lengths makes this lack rhythm at a moot moment but it is not deliberate and so seems incompetent...please take this with emphasis on "seems"

No sheet could conceal
the dark void in my chest
as I touched soft brown hair streaked with silver
and memorized the love lines around your eyes.
"Goodbye" I said to the second father
that left me in this lifetime. Poignant over purpose and so shielded from any hurtfully honest crit. Relatable to by many and I know you are not writing gratuitously. Enough said.

Hi tigr,
This is not a "like" poem. That is bleedin' obvious and I apologise for the fact before favour. The piece, like many in this genre, is barely crittable because no matter how written it will cry its own tears and no comforting words will stop the flow.
Best,
tectak