Primal (new poem, Edit 3)

[Todd]

a good poem also needs a well prepared "punchline" so to speak.

Here's the poem I referenced, it doesn't really need critique. Just want to show you a poem that finishes strong.

MISSING PIECES

It felt bad I had no poetry. Than I met a man
without vocabulary.

I cried because I had no rhymes. Then I met
a woman without conjunctions.

We write what we do and we do what we
write: that's alright.

Somebody has to be different. I tried to be
the same, but it didn't work.

When words reach down the generations,
they read odd today. So I say:

I wept when I lost my life. Then I met a man
who never had one.

Lance Jencks

Lance, I don't think this is your intent, but it's poor form to post one of your own poems in someone else's thread as an example of what to do. It comes across as arrogant, and we don't like to see other poems littering the threads in this way in any event. You're new, and like I said I don't take that attitude in your tone. I would just ask you to place your poems in their own threads in the future.

Thanks,

Todd /admin