Primal (new poem, Edit 3)

[LanceRocks]

Do you feel that the problem is mostly the layout of the poem, or would you say that there's also a weakening in the words themselves?

Thank you, Jan. Great to meet you!

Allow me to say I'm 66 years old, a writer and performer. All my poetry is written for recitation.

In the early 1970's I earned an MFA and PhD, both in playwriting. I was an advertising copywriter for 20 years. My last intensive foray into poetry was in the 1980's, when I performed at poetry venues all over Southern California. Then, for money, I embarked on a 26 year career in financial services (retail sales) which drained my energies away from poetry, my greatest love.

Now I'm retired and returning to poetry as a self-funded writer. I'm composing 3 or 4 poems a week for posting to another writer's group. When that site went down for service two days ago I made my way here.

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Your question is an important one relating to poetic expression as well as popular acceptance. The public likes a strong finish. Think Frost: "And that has made all the difference." I don't much care for summary conclusions but I do favor endings which seem pre-destined by what went before. "Rosebud." "That's Chinatown." The master of this was Poe.

As mentioned, achieving this effect is not easy for me because I don't plot ahead but work off the cuff: I rarely know where I'm going while writing. But I'm managing to do it more often with the daily practice I'm putting in now that poetry is my primary pastime.

The elements you mention are of course important, but the ability to finish big most fundamentally depends upon the strength of the underlying conceit. When my reader reaches the end I want them to murmer, "Of course - why didn't I think of that."

Two nights ago I completed a poem like this called "Missing Pieces." Where would you suggest I post it on the Board?

Sincerely,

Lance

P.S. I sometimes help correct errors, but most of my critiques are about general principles intended to strengthen everyone's work (including mine) going forward. Apologies for offering no further specific assistance on your poem above.