Boardwalks (edit #4.1)

[ellajam]

"Replay the barks that broke dawn's hush,"

Because I'm a poet rather than a scholar of poetry, I don't know how to teach someone to grasp a sense of cadence: when it works and when it doesn't.

Here, the rhythm falters by one beat, or semi-beat. Had you written:

"Play the barks that broke dawn's hush,"

...all would be well. But the "Re-" sets it akimbo.

You might check out Stephen Fry's "The Ode Less Travelled" for a lively discussion of rhythm, meter and and so forth.

Lance

Thanks for reading and for your comments, Lance.

A new edit is posted chucking most of the changes and trying to clarify here and there. Replay was one of those failed changes.

I'm still having an issue with those bicycles, I can never hear the problem although I understand everyone's explanations. I tried "and the bikes that were pedaled" but I missed the sound of the word bicycles.

I'm hoping the little changes I made will help, but I'm not sure I'm done there.