An outbreak in Kansas

[Charlesjoseph]

You could get rid of the she/her in each line.

A drab vortex of terra firma and metal.

Or something like that.

And maybe something other than SHE ROARED like a freight train, since that sounds overused. You could still use the freight train sound in some way.

Hey Rowens,
Here's an edit as you suggested omitting she/her and the train.
Thanks much
Chazz


For twenty-two miles it whirled like a top,
its colors a drab vortex of terra firma and metal.
Steady on its needle, louder than a stampede of cattle,
the landscape in its wake a dismal panorama.