Disposable

[ChristopherSea]

Todd/ellz edit 2 : This edit cuts the last two lines. It could be better this way. Let me know!

Hey Chris,
Here's my two cents.
I think you need the last two lines or else to me it just seems like a series of couplets. Maybe you can rework the last two lines a bit to give it a clean, clear-cut finish. Also,


Bills that come due are conveniently tossed
with the Lotto tickets carelessly lost (like yesterdays? or something to that effect.)

and the crumpled news of heinous crimes
become conscience-blurred beneath oven grime.

Where is that crushed milk carton's missing child: (I feel like crushed breaks your rhythm perhaps another word or just an omission. I think it would work fine without it but your a better judge than I)
dead or held captive by some pedophile?

Missing phone numbers are the lovelorn's lot,
with mislaid thongs as sole Forget-Me-Nots. (again sole sticks out for me, maybe for Forget-Me-Nots)

Old tear-marked letters are now coffee stained
as the ink has run, but harsh words remain. (the ink may fade or the ink can run or whatever you believe is necessary it's your poem these are only suggestions)

Moths ruined the linens that mom crocheted (The moth ruined linens that mom crocheted)
for festive spreads that were never displayed.

Bloody bandages of our unhealed wounds (coming out of your second couplet you used and the I liked that because it flowed nicely and i think something like that would work well here.)
become life's reminders in scarred festoon.


Hope this was more help than hinderance,
Chazz

Chazz, all reads and associated coments help! You have made some good points and recomendations that I shall consider./Chris

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For me, I like it without the final lines. There were certain words that felt off to me, I'll let you decide if any of this kills the meter. Comments below:

Disposable

[size=small]Bills that come due are conveniently tossed
with the Lotto tickets carelessly lost--These two lines give a sense of denial and desperation. You get the feeling the person living through this is or at least sees themselves as disposable.

and the crumpled news of heinous crimes
become conscience-blurred beneath oven grime.--I'm not making the connection with oven grime and crumpled newspapers.

Where is that crushed milk carton's missing child:--good couplet, seems like it would work better without crushed though
dead or held captive by some pedophile?

Missing phone numbers are the lovelorn's lot,
with mislaid thongs as sole Forget-Me-Nots.--I realize this may require some adjustment but it may better without sole

Old tear-marked letters are now coffee stained
as the ink has run, but harsh words remain.--maybe cut as and add a the before harsh.

Moths ruined the linens that mom crocheted
for festive spreads that were never displayed.

Bloody bandages of our unhealed wounds
become life's reminders in scarred festoon.

Just some thoughts to consider, Chris. I like the ideas here.

Best,

Todd

Todd, some good stuff to reconsider. As for the crime articles getting covered by oven grime, it comes from using newpaper to clean the oven, as well as lining the bottom to soak up those caustic lye cleaners. Let me know if there is a better way to convey it!