Weight, edit 2

[ChristopherSea]

See here for original post, in mild.



Papa cries for one-time promise,
pearly teeth and pig-tailed hair,
for purple pockets filled with pebbles;
a parted presence, faintly there.

All your simple childs prayers
replay in broken memory,
and papa’s pain goes undisguised
he can hardly look at me.

Now screams ring from his great lungs
fill the air with tortured wrath.
Can't you return now from heaven?
Sister listen, all he asks,

is for our painted poles and ribbons
your ponies prancing on the lawn.
Not engraved for stone cold ages,
not beckoning, "Move on."

Your edit is coming along fine. There looks like a typo and some punctuation omission in stanzas 2 through 4:

All your simple child's prayers
replay in broken memory,
and papa’s pain goes undisguised;
he can hardly look at me.

Now screams ring from his great lungs;
fill the air with tortured wrath.
Can't you return now from heaven?
Sister listen, all he asks,

is for our painted poles and ribbons,
your ponies prancing on the lawn.
Not engraved for stone cold ages,
not beckoning, "Move on."


Alternately, you could use a full stop in S1 and make a word substitution in S3:

All your simple child's prayers
replay in broken memory,
and papa’s pain goes undisguised.
He can hardly look at me.

Now screams ring as his great lungs
fill the air with tortured wrath.
Can't you return now from heaven?
Sister listen, all he asks,

is for our painted poles and ribbons,
your ponies prancing on the lawn.
Not engraved for stone cold ages,
not beckoning, "Move on."