11-27-2013, 09:39 AM
...this thread is kinda getting hijacked.
Chazz all I have to say is be careful what you post in serious. ;D
Actually no, that's not all I have to say. I like the idea of your poem, and I liked the ending, although I really don't like the idea of putting it in a shape, but maybe that's just me. As others have pointed out though, it's a bit too obvious. Ideas to play around with:
-Maybe try to cut it down to the bones and build it back up being less telly.
-Have you ever been in a tornado warning? Maybe bring up the feelings associated. Sometimes it's just annoying to get in the basement, but if the tornado is near and you can hear crazy shit going on outside it gets pretty tense.
-Tornado warnings vs watched might be fun to play with...
-Again have you been in a tornado warning? I've never heard of anyone with food and water to last a week in their basement/crawl space. Flashlight, blanket, water and maybe some granola bars sure. Maybe the people I know like to live on the wild side, who knows. ;D
-You know how the sky goes all green before a tornado? That could be a cool thing to describe.
Anyway just thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
-justcloudy
Chazz all I have to say is be careful what you post in serious. ;D
Actually no, that's not all I have to say. I like the idea of your poem, and I liked the ending, although I really don't like the idea of putting it in a shape, but maybe that's just me. As others have pointed out though, it's a bit too obvious. Ideas to play around with:
-Maybe try to cut it down to the bones and build it back up being less telly.
-Have you ever been in a tornado warning? Maybe bring up the feelings associated. Sometimes it's just annoying to get in the basement, but if the tornado is near and you can hear crazy shit going on outside it gets pretty tense.
-Tornado warnings vs watched might be fun to play with...
-Again have you been in a tornado warning? I've never heard of anyone with food and water to last a week in their basement/crawl space. Flashlight, blanket, water and maybe some granola bars sure. Maybe the people I know like to live on the wild side, who knows. ;D
-You know how the sky goes all green before a tornado? That could be a cool thing to describe.
Anyway just thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
-justcloudy
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.