11-26-2013, 08:20 AM
I understand (and appreciate) your desire to maintain the tangibility of solitude image. However, "set through" does not capture this for me. I find it difficult to reconcile your meaning and that detracts from the clarity you've said you are aiming for.
I think you can find something that would achieve all of what you want. "a journey trekked in solitude" perhaps?
"Stride" at the end of L2 jarred slightly. It works excellently with your rhyming scheme but I found it inconsistent with your "trudging" image in L1, and as it evokes a sense of decisiveness, also didn't knit with the overall uncertainty.
This is your work obviously though, so go with your instinct.
In a wider sense, this is a beautifully succinct expression of a ubiquitous question. One that lends itself to being overwrought. Well done.
I look forward to whatever final edits you decide on. Thanks a lot,
I think you can find something that would achieve all of what you want. "a journey trekked in solitude" perhaps?
"Stride" at the end of L2 jarred slightly. It works excellently with your rhyming scheme but I found it inconsistent with your "trudging" image in L1, and as it evokes a sense of decisiveness, also didn't knit with the overall uncertainty.
This is your work obviously though, so go with your instinct.
In a wider sense, this is a beautifully succinct expression of a ubiquitous question. One that lends itself to being overwrought. Well done.
I look forward to whatever final edits you decide on. Thanks a lot,