A Nature's Revelation

[justcloudy]

Hey there Heslopian,

First reading: wow, punch in the gut, connection with the poem, all that good stuff.
Subsequent readings: wait... now I'm confused...

Let me explain:

The kindness in you
was rivalled only by those moments Is rivalled the British spelling?
of perfect sense and clarity,
when you'd teach me something about human nature
which I hadn't considered before. I love how this is said, but it's inherently confusing... how can kindness be rivaled by clarity and teaching others? Aren't they linked? Or are you saying that she is SO kind that only being a life-guide/teacher, which is wonderful too, gets even close? I think I'm muddling my words but hope you get what I'm saying.

Now, as a driveway dotted with leaves
evokes a single image,
despite its thousand components;
pebble, curb and leaf; Beautiful stanza.

as a bus pulls into its stop,
emitting and admitting equally; Lovely.

as I sit in the local college
filling out forms,
and winter's excesses without
are exorcised within; Not sure about exorcised, but if you're going for dark then I guess it words. Nice stuff too.

as all of this happens and is, Love the enjambment here.

you're taken away. Queue aforementioned gut punch.
The obscene altar my brother whispered about, Queue the "wait what?". Maybe it's my fault but I've considered different things this obscene altar could be and I'm not finding anything that works. Mentioned your brother suggests "she" is close to your family so that's a nice detail.
your disordered rooms and unswallowed pills, She lives alone and doesn't take her meds, ok.
are taken from you, your spirit having
dwindled down to madness, a bothersome bitch From these two lines I can't figure out if she's dead or has been taken to an institution.
with God as its excuse. The victim of your own human nature, Why God? Reminiscent of the altar mentioned, but I still don't see it.
which you never quite revealed to me. But I thought she was kind and she taught you to notice the little things? Or was that sarcastic up there? This ending seems powerful but actually just raises questions.

I like this so much and want to love it, but I don't have a clear idea of the story yet, so it just isn't happening. Hope you can spell it out a bit more. I honestly feel like I'm missing a big theme or something, and that I just don't get it because I'm stupid. Which isn't a nice way to leave a reader. ;D

As you like to say, this is all, of course, just my humble opinion, so take what you will. =]

-justcloudy

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Was about to comment on not being so hot on the title, and then noticed how "Revelation" again is harking back to the religious theme. Still confused.