11-24-2013, 06:19 AM
Thanks, it feels better for me as well. 
As for crashed or crashing, I like the word crashed better (howling/crashing is a bit weak) but the word "at" is important for me: this signifies that it was a game and that the narrator didn't howl "because" the trains crashed by. Or would "howling as the trains crashed by" suggest the same? Maybe I can change "howling" into "we howled at the trains crashing by"... but then the rest of the verse needs an overhaul too, of course. I'll experiment with it.
Great idea about the fast train. I'm going with "and hear", I like the auditory sensation of it. I like the idea of "and see" the most actually, but then I remembered there's a dreadful song called "close your eyes to see" I heard somewhere, so that sort of puts a damper on things.
As for crashed or crashing, I like the word crashed better (howling/crashing is a bit weak) but the word "at" is important for me: this signifies that it was a game and that the narrator didn't howl "because" the trains crashed by. Or would "howling as the trains crashed by" suggest the same? Maybe I can change "howling" into "we howled at the trains crashing by"... but then the rest of the verse needs an overhaul too, of course. I'll experiment with it.Great idea about the fast train. I'm going with "and hear", I like the auditory sensation of it. I like the idea of "and see" the most actually, but then I remembered there's a dreadful song called "close your eyes to see" I heard somewhere, so that sort of puts a damper on things.