Primal (new poem, Edit 3)

[milo]

Edit 2 (Heslopian, milo, trueenigma, beaufort)
[Size=medium]
Primal

Our guest room shook violently
every ten minutes or so.
It was small, but treasured: my brother
and I spent hours howling
at the trains crashing by.

A funeral today, another
support of the bridge down.
And like a ghost, I appear

I feel like you need a verb in front of "down".

Crashes, crumbles, falls, preferably one with two syllables though.

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Edit 2 (Heslopian, milo, trueenigma, beaufort)
[Size=medium]
Primal



and inhale all the air
in the park, the streets, the city,

the light from the houses,
the cars, the sun itself -

This right here, btw, is an example of the controlled ambiguity we were talking about.

The statement "inhale all the air
in the park, the streets, the city"

initially, we read that N inhales all of the air in the park and the air in the streets and the air in the city, but there is a suggestion that N actually absorbs or inhales the city itself, it and works both ways which adds strength to the statement.

now that I am reading through this for the fifteenth or sixteenth time I am wondering if you considered "breath" for "air". I don't know if it would make it better or worse, but I think it would be nice to read it both ways to compare.