So, I Failed your Rorschach Test
#20
(11-21-2013, 09:55 PM)ChristopherSea Wrote:  Alright trueE, I modified that last line and I am calling this one ripe enough for now! Thanks to all Thumbsup

Hi Chris,

It looks like your finishing up here, and I love this stanza

Quote:Whether animal pelts and bats
or genital sacks and flaps,
they’re somewhat disturbing
in those reds and blacks.

and I now get the reason for the break on "must I" in S3.

Just a couple thoughts: I think S6 would beclearer without the comma after "hide", and in the final stanza would "while I sing.." be stronger than when? (and I still don't think you need both the "you" and the "your" in L6 and 7 of the final stanza. I think the "you" should go, it's already pretty clear who the addressee is. Also, it might be a good idea to break the stanza on "black", into two separate quatrains.)
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Messages In This Thread
RE: So, I Failed your Rorschach Test - by Euan - 10-26-2013, 01:13 AM
RE: So, I Failed your Rorschach Test - by Todd - 10-26-2013, 01:58 AM
RE: So, I Failed your Rorschach Test - by milo - 10-26-2013, 03:21 AM
RE: So, I Failed your Rorschach Test - by tectak - 10-26-2013, 07:01 AM
RE: So, I Failed your Rorschach Test - by tectak - 10-27-2013, 04:25 AM
RE: So, I Failed your Rorschach Test - by milo - 10-27-2013, 04:25 AM
RE: So, I Failed your Rorschach Test - by trueenigma - 11-24-2013, 02:52 AM



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