(11-23-2013, 11:56 PM)tigrflye Wrote: "I don’t what this guy is, but he’s dressed like a vampire.” - missing "know"Thanks Jenn, I'll make those fixes. I agree fully.
Another thought: when Shark thing or Shark face is used as a name, I think it should be capitalized.
I'm referring to "thing" and "face". Shark Face
You know, like Swamp Thing.
Of course sometimes you wrote "the shark thing" and then you wouldn't.
I like it a lot, Todd.
Now, poor Tyler has the darkness in him. .
And I wouldn't have thought about going under the ribs with the staff - good thought
-Jenn
(11-24-2013, 12:09 AM)Charlesjoseph Wrote: Cool todd,It's certainly both of those things. That's a reason I prefer poetry (short attention span).
Good luck with this!!! Narrative is hard work and mind bending at times.
cheers
Chazz
I promise you plenty of pain for the characters, and while it will never be Ice 9 (just not good enough for that), they will suffer. More so inn edit I'm sure then on this run I'm sure.

Chazz, I put a few of your changes in, and then stopped not because I disagree with them just that they are more structural than I want to deal with at the moment. I will go back over them later. Thanks again.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
