Ice Aged

[heslopian]

Water frozen since the Pleistocene
appears to flow unobtrusively,
yet Cro-Magnon dreams
and Neanderthal labors have eroded,
strewn as glacial drumlin. The verbiage in this verse threatens to overwhelm its rhythm. In fact, this is a recurrent problem. I'm not saying that you should dumb down, but maybe cut down on the adjectives in order to improve your aesthetic. "Neanderthal" could be trimmed to just "human" (we've already got the sense of neanderthal times). "Unobtrusively" could also be trimmed to "easily".

The ice bears careless Hominids,
disabled Mastodons
and overzealous Dire Wolves, Is "dire" needed?
now frozen TV-dinners I don't really like this metaphor. I get it, but it breaks the prehistoric atmosphere. "Frozen meals" would be a touch more subtle, I think.
for psychopathic sharks A small point, but "sociopathic" would be a more accurate description of an unevolved creature, I think, as "psychopathic" implies psychosis, which requires a complex psyche.
that have not yet evolved. I was willing to overlook the sporadic capitals in verse one, but here they're a bit more egregious. Only "The" and "TV" should be capitalised here.

Metamorphic bedrocks groan, Is "metamorphic" needed?
as advancing icy teeth Ditto "advancing".
chomp at the sea,
then calve into brine.

Illuminated on clear nights,
the ice glows pale blue
in the obsidian waves.
Exhaling fog, it deliquesces,
releasing ancient secrets
and delicacies
to inhabitants of the abyss. The best verse, much more delicate, chilly and gently mysterious than its predecessors.

There's an overabundance of artifice here. Too many adjectives blocking our path to an easier, softer rhythm, which I think is what you're trying to evoke. Purely my opinion, of course, and there is a lot of promise here, ChristopherSea. Thank you, as always, for the read