Primal (new poem, Edit 3)

[beaufort]

Edit 1 (Heslopian, SkaaDee)

Our guest room would shake violently
every ten minutes or so. It was small, this makes it sound a bit like the guest room was small and useless, though on re-reading I get it. (I may just be a little slow)
useless, but most treasured: my brother
and I'd spend hours there, howling
and roaring at the trains crashing by.

A funeral today, another
support of the bridge gone down. (great use of this imagery)
And like a ghost, I appeared
in front of my old home;

it was quiet.
They've buried the tracks,
placed a little park on top.

I closed my eyes, (might say "I close my eyes")
fast train approaching -

inhaled all the air in the park, (if use close above, use inhaling here) I would leave out "all"
the streets, the city;
inhaled all light from the houses, (inhaling, as above)
the cars, the sun itself -

and let it all out.
This says a lot without being wordy, and the imagery of boys and trains and collapsing ties connects well with this reader. Thanks for sharing.

Original

The room would shake violently
every ten minutes or so.
It was small, useless,
most treasured: my brother
and I would spend hours there,
roaring and howling at the trains
crashing by.

A funeral today, another
support of the bridge has gone down.
And like a ghost, I appeared
in front of our old house.
It was quiet:
they've buried the tracks,
placed a little park on top.

I closed my eyes,
fast train approaching.

Inhaled all the air in the park,
the streets, the city;
inhaled all the light from the houses,
the cars, the sun itself -

and let it all out.

This poem is a bastard child of my poems "Whoosh" and "Primal", mixed with some memories of living very near the railroad tracks when I was young, and jderimend's observation that all poetic composition is a rally cry against the inevitability of death. Oh, and a splash of "Cabaret".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zu_aHXfr7Sg