Primal (new poem, Edit 3)

[SkaaDee]

The room would shake violently
every ten minutes or so.
It was small, useless,
most treasured: my brother
and I would spend hours there,
roaring and howling at the trains
crashing by.

A funeral today, another
support of the bridge has gone down.
And like a ghost, I appeared
in front of our old house.
It was quiet:
they've buried the tracks,
placed a little park on top.

I closed my eyes,
fast train approaching.

Inhaled all the air in the park,
the streets, the city;
inhaled all the light from the houses,
the cars, the sun itself -

and let it all out.

There's a beautiful poem in here, but i think it needs to be trimmed.

"It was small, useless,
most treasured: "

...i don't understand and it doesn't seem to add anything to the poem, i suggest removing it.

i would also remove "crashing by."

You van change

"A funeral today, another
support of the bridge has gone down.
And like a ghost, I appeared
in front of our old house."

with something that brings you to the house.

I think the theme of the poem is breathing in your childhood
and then releasing in exhale. I wouldn't bring death or tragedy into it.

Before the last line you could add something like "counted to a thousand"

This is just my take, I may have taken the poem too far off track.

Scott