Short Story: Merlin and the Dragon Queen chapter 5

[Todd]

Happy to see another chapter, milo. Here are some comments for you:

“So, which one of these is mine?” Merlin looked around at the dragons that circumvented the ring that had just served as their impromptu arena.
“Oh, Myyrrddyn, the dragon you need is special. I know of only one that will suit your needs. She is old - older than me, some say older than Oberon himself,” Aelphaba had regained her slinky tone, “Her name is Yggdrasil --Isn't that the Norse myth tree with Odin?--cool but you may call her Lysandra.--Forgetting the reference but I've heard this name too, not Norse obviously it has more vowels. The names are a good way to show age. She is resting now in the depths of Ischilith but she is expecting you.”--Must be some species group mind, or telepathy or something--cool She was smiling again and slowly pacing with a deliberate grace--so, she's a lot like Merlin. Dragons should do this sort of thing. I like the characterization. “The entrance is on the north face which means you will need to circle around and approach through the Lythian forest.”
“And she will be able to do what I need?” Merlin was disappointed at this newest discovery but resigned to continue.--I think you may want to shift the disappointment phrasing before the statement
“Yes, she will. Be careful though, not all of Oberon’s children will be as lenient as I, use caution as you travel.”
“Of course my queen. I’d best get started now if I am to make the entrance by nightfall,” and Merlin reached into his pocket and produced his mouse, wriggling between his fingers. Merlin made a series of soft noises and the mouse returned to the form of a horse beside him. Merlin ran his hand along its flank and turned to start his journey.
“Myyrrdyn--The fae seem to like to use his old name. One option you could do, is make it close to his true name. He could feel a vibration through himself when they speak it with the proper cadence, which only the very old or powerful are able to do. He has to be careful not to speak it from his own lips. I was just thinking about how names are important to them in the stories. Merely a thought, not a deficiency if it isn't there, do not forget our deal. Tonight is the festival of Allune, I expect you to deliver your part of our arrangement by the next festival. Oh, and, do something about that beard before someone sets it aflame!” with that, the queen of the dragons winked, then turned and walked into the shadows created by her pets.

Merlin walked next to his horse for the beginning of the journey around Ischlith. It was far too risky to fly and there was an adequate footpath that would take him down the other side of the mountain range and into the Lythian forest.--Good addition Merlin had been travelling for the better part of three days and he had gone three nights without sleep. He had just lived through a terrifying battle with the proud and powerful queen of the dragons. He wasn't quite exhausted but he was weary and hungry and the air on the south side of the Ischilith was acrid and layered a coating of soot on his skin.--Nice detail, and a good comment on Merlin's limits

The sun was setting as Merlin headed down the path at the base of the range on the north side. From there he still had to travel into the thickest part of the Lythian forest, hook around and head right into the cave at the base of Mount Ischilith. Because of the way the volcano faced, the air to the north of the range was pure and sweet. Merlin took several deep breaths as he attempted to shake off the effects of the last few days and the acrid air and difficulty in traversing the mountain. As he approached the forest he saw a familiar sphere bouncing along in the distance.
“Abalone!” he shouted and kicked his heels into his horse.

As Abalone drew close she started fluttering around Merlin’s head anxiously causing him to twist his head --Maybe rephrase slightly to eliminate the two uses of "head" and setting his horse to jerking back and forth in nervous fits. Finally she settled on his shoulder and drew close to his ear to tease him seductively but got one of her feet caught in a stray patch of his beard.--funny “Merlin! Why do you still have this beard?” Abalone gave a final tug and pulled her foot right out of her bootie, tumbling backwards off his shoulder and landing awkwardly behind him on the horse’s rear.--also funny Merlin eased himself off the horse, reached over and set a flustered looking Abalone properly on the horse and walked beside them. “well, you know I have been terribly busy, being a wizard and all.”
“Has Oberon lifted his ban? Are you allowed back on Avalon freely? Oh, Merlin I am so happy for you,” forgetting about her recent tumble, Abalone regained her normal energy.
“No, not yet. You will probably hear if that happens before I do. Anyway, I believe the ban is ‘forever”, that was his word for it.” Merlin’s long legs paced nicely alongside the horse.
“Oh, Merlin, you are so silly. Forever doesn’t mean the same thing to Oberon as it does to humans. After all, he has declared his queen Titania estranged forever and we know that can’t happen!” she punctuated her statements with flaps of her wings that lifted her momentarily off the horse’s back.--Love her clarification on the different meaning of forever between human and the fae.
“They have been estranged since before I was born and I expect them to be long after I am gone at this rate,” Merlin sighed. Looking around he could begin to see the beauty of Avalon that was hidden by the mountain range. The forest ahead, in addition to having brighter greens and richer browns than a regular forest was gilded with vines that ended in foliage of pink and white and violet - flowers as large as his head. Even from here he could see the flicker and glow of the fae folk flashing from deep within the woods. He had missed Avalon. It was so rich with magic and wonder even the air felt charged.
“Yes but they reconcile every month for the festival Allune! Oh! Merlin, will you be attending the festival Allune tonight?! This is wonderful! We will have so much fun!” Abalone was taking on a rosy glow and practically bursting with excitement.
“I wish I could, sweetie, but I am in the middle of something very important,” Merlin looked at his feet as he spoke.
Abalone looked visibly crushed, “But Merlin you have to! You haven’t been to a festival in years. It is just one night. Oh, and I have a fantastic new dress that you have to see and there are some girls that you just have to meet, I have told them so many stories about the big, powerful wizard and we will be doing a special dance - oh - and one of Oberon’s children will be joining us tonight, Merlin you have to come!” with that, Abalone fluttered up right in front of him and batted her eyelashes.
Merlin felt his resolve slipping. He was tired and hungry. He yearned for the fantasy and majesty that the night would bring,--Oh, and I'm sure the comments on girls being there and being impressed by the great wizard might have had some effect “Oh, very well, it is just one night,” Merlin felt the smile creep up his cheeks unbidden. This was a decision that would haunt him for many years.--Nice final line. It does let us know he survives for many years, but he's the protagonist we sort of expect that

I'm enjoying this still milo, and am waiting for the next chapter even now.

Best,

Todd