A Look at Cupid

[Todd]

Hi Jenn, a few comments for you below:

In all my circling wondering,
I dared a glimpse of who we'd be,
my foolish Psyche hungering--This opening is so nice when you take your title, and consider the myth (thanks for the capitalization to seal it).
for all the things she shouldn't see.--Again this ties closely to the story
A flash-bulb quick epiphany,--Best line to sort of modernize the story and make it the speakers and not just a retelling
you loved the very heart of me--These are the moments where I hate critiquing rhyming poetry. It isn't the poetry itself or even that it rhymes, it's just you know that any suggestion is going to throw the whole thing off. This line is too hallmark. I like the content of it, but the phrasing has to go.
like children do in summer's sweet
humidity and though that heat --by contrast, I love these lines
was only dreamt, I felt the eletricity
inside my skin. So everyday
I mourn your carnal spark and weigh--Again, this is I looked to close, I succumbed, and I lost it all. carnal spark and weigh (awesome)
my longing for a rare simplicity--love this phrasing
like love. You felt it too, I know,--Much more powerful as a simile
we glimpsed it one time years ago.--solid ending, and has a tragic element to it.

I thought this was a very good slant on a myth. I need the hallmark line to be gone, but beyond that I enjoyed the piece.

Best,

Todd