11-17-2013, 08:44 AM
For me, this would be improved with less leading of the reader, here are the bones as I see them:
When I was young I was happy
simply a blade of grass,
Swaying in the wind
Without purpose or direction,
Content not to dream
Your title is fine, though you could include something of the cuts in the title: Bliss of the Better Me
Perhaps.
Just thoughts.
Best,
Todd
When I was young I was happy
simply a blade of grass,
Swaying in the wind
Without purpose or direction,
Content not to dream
Your title is fine, though you could include something of the cuts in the title: Bliss of the Better Me
Perhaps.
Just thoughts.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson